He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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