I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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