The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
