Will you blow on my dice?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
