Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
