Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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