The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
