What a fucking waste of an outfit
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
