so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize