I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
