he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
