im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
