....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
