did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
