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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do you have swine flu?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  How festive

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed

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