Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize