I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
