the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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