Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
