i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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