and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
