yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
