I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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