I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
