I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
