We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
