Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
