Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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