was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
