if only i could text you this smell
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
