Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
