She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
