random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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