At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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