I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
