Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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