lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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