I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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