There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
