we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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