At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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