Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
