how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
