well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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