my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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