Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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