I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
