If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
