I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
