Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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