Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
