I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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