Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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