so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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