come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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