Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
