you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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