i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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