I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
