were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
