hell yes lets make some ravioli
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
