I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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