i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
