I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
