but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
