she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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