and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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