You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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