If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
