He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
