So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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