I think I am morally bankrupt
my shit smells like andre
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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