Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
