he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
