Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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