the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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