So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
