My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
