I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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