hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
