He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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