Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He passed out mid-signature
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
