Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize