I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
