I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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