My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
