blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this will be a night to untag.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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