3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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