then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
