So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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