Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
