You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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