I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
