you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
