You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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