I haven't been this sober since birth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
