1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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