You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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