oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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