Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
