she kept yelling 'call me bella'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
