I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
