i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize