im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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