Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
