A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
