FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
