The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
