it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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