why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
