is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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