Got a toothbrush?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
