so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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