oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
