her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
